Flying Solo

So, right now Jeramy is in Europe for business - London, Paris, Bordeaux, Zurich. This is his longest trip he's taken - 13 days. We only have five left. Actually, what I really mean is - there are still five whole days left.

When he leaves on the longer trips I kind of feel as though I unravel a little. If my life were a book during those times, it would definitely be "She's Come Undone" (which, btw, I have never read but heard is great.) It's not that I completely fall apart - that sounds so big and dramatic. I feel more like a sweater with a loose thread that is slowly being pulled. Day by day life goes on and I hardly notice that my sweater has a hole in it. Then one day I look down and realize there is a huge hole and my sweater is ceasing to exist and that's when I switch into what I call "survival mode." This whole analogy is really silly but it's my best attempt to explain how I feel.

I'm learning that with these multi-week trips it's almost always the weekend that is my trigger into survival mode - which, basically, is me just trying to take care of the basics and survive. Nothing more. The house tends to get a little dirtier, my patience seems to fall a little short and I start to feel a little less like myself. Getting by is not a way to live life and I don't like living there - even just a few days at a time. My kids are bathed, fed, entertained and put to bed with hugs and kisses (okay, a few nights there have been some frustrated threats and a few tears - all of ours - mingled in with the hugs and kisses) but I feel like I get a little lost in the process. I've finally realized that it's not because it's so emotionally and physically exhausting to be the sole caregiver to two energetic, vivacious little ones. It's because I miss my husband. Simple as that. I can do thirteen straight bedtimes by myself and have my kids needing me from the crack of dawn until the sun goes down and do better than survive. But I cannot go thirteen days without a real conversation or an embrace from Jeramy and not feel like a part of me and my life has gone missing.

And even though I vowed I would not be living in survival mode this time around and worked very hard to try and prevent it - hard workouts, healthy eating, early bedtimes (ok, not tonight), some house projects to serve as distraction, diligent scripture study and sincere daily prayers - (always pleading for an extra dose of patience) a few babysitters lined up - in the end it doesn't matter. Because here I am in the place I tried so desperately to avoid. And it's occurred to me that it's okay to be here - of course this is where I am. I'm here because I have an amazing husband who is a big part of me and I miss him. This destination is inevitable. So, I will go on surviving for five more days until Jeramy comes home and will then turn my back on merely surviving and look forward to thriving once again.

Well Finn is awake crying (again) so I will end this post. Poor little guy is cutting five teeth right now - four are part way through and one is right there. He's been miserable and, well, let's just say it hasn't helped my cause this week. He's been such a trooper. Time for more Motrin and snuggles!


More Tooth Troubles

So, a month ago Jeramy had to have his front tooth pulled to get an implant. He'll get the permanent tooth in another 5 or 6 months and in the meantime has a temporary. For the whole story, check out A Real Tooth.

From the get-go, he has been having a few problems with the temporary tooth. First, he went in for a check-up on the tooth and they found it was completely loose. So they shaved it down a bit shorter and a lot thinner so he wouldn't use it to bite anything with. Then, Sunday night a piece of the temporary tooth fell off. He was just beside himself, since this whole thing is a 20 year nightmare being brought to reality. Luckily the dentist was able to fit him in yesterday afternoon. Not so lucky, I guess there are pretty significant problems with the temporary and it needs to be replaced. So, they had to take the temporary out because with the way it broke it could cause the screw (in his mouth, in the bone) to become misaligned and cause problems so it won't fuse to the bone and the unbelievable part is they aren't able to get him a new one for a few days!!! Jeramy is completely fired up about the whole thing (an understatement) He won't talk and keeps his hand over his mouth when he does. Luckily he is just working from home for the next few days and doesn't have to go anywhere before Thursday.

Even though he is so upset and grumpy about the whole thing, I decided to press my luck and beg for a picture - so me and so many others were so disappointed about not having one the first go round. So, here it is.

What a good sport, he even managed to
smile and goof around about it!

Oh, there's one more thing I forgot to mention about this whole tooth thing......


OK, the real story is that this is a prank we did for Jeramy's boss and co-workers. He was just out in Chicago last week and when he came home he was telling me about some of the pranks and goofy things they did while he was out there. I told him he had to come up with some kind of April Fool's Day prank to pull on them. Then, Sunday night when the piece of his tooth fell off, I thought it would be hilarious to pretend his tooth fell out. They all know about the whole tooth thing since it's been so traumatic for Jeramy. Since his tooth isn't "real" we didn't dare use shoe polish or eye-liner to black it out for fear it would stay black forever, so we used a sticker cut in the shape of his tooth. He was going to call them on Skype, using the camera on his computer - especially since the picture quality isn't great, we thought we could pull it off. I also wanted to take a picture for my blog but when we put the sticker on it looked ridiculously fake. So I edited the picture using Photoshop (don't know what I'm doing!) and he still used Skype and his boss fell for it! I'm not even going to flatter myself into thinking that anyone fell for the joke based on the picture I edited - it looks a little fake. For the sake of the blog, I made up the story about having to remove the temporary (the rest is true) and hoped by posting the story first, it would seem more believable. So, for those of you who noticed that the picture looked completely doctored - the joke's on us! And for anyone else - if you're out there - Happy April Fool's Day!